Deleted Scenes of Twilight
by prettypinkbookworm
Summary: These are a few oneshots about the Twilight series. Jasper feels a surge of Southern pride and refuses to say the pledge. Alice is accused of being anorexic. Carlisle recieves an interesting request. See what happens... Chapter 9 now up!
1. Jasper and the Pledge

**A random scene I thought of in science.**

"…and the football game will be rescheduled for this Friday. Now we have your student council president leading you in the pledge. Please rise."

Jasper heard the crackling voice come out through the school intercom, and watched the students around him rise and face the flag. He knew it would be easier if he followed their lead. It was what Carlisle would want. No sense in making a scene over nothing. All that was required was for him to stand and recite some mindless words to the limp American flag hanging in the corner, and it shouldn't have been too difficult. But he didn't _want_ to. In fact, it was probably the last thing he felt like right now, with all the emotions everywhere.

It was Monday morning, and everyone had come to school tired and crabby. The drizzle outside felt even more dreary than usual, and Forks High School seemed to sag in the negative spirits. Jasper was putting all his will into suppressing his raging thirst, and he didn't want to be bothered by droning on and on to square of red white and blue cloth (_Unless_, he thought to himself, _it was his beloved Dixie_). So Jasper remained seated.

But this was the wrong class to do that in.

Mrs. Robinson peered out of the corner of her eye at him, hand still over her heart and mouth still forming the words, but seething with contempt. Jasper could feel it rolling off her in waves, and he realized he'd just made a mistake. Maybe if he stood up now, and finished the end, she wouldn't mind. He remembered to late that she had a son in the service, and as an American History teacher this was especially important to her.

But he just didn't _feel_ like it.

The pledge ended, and the class sat down. Mrs. Robinson turned to Jasper and he could feel her disdain.

"Mr. Hale, would you please stand up?" He was in for it now. Damn. Jasper slowly slid out of his seat and turned to face the teacher.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Hale, I wondered why you felt it unnecessary to recite the pledge this morning."

"Isn't that my right as an American citizen? I shouldn't be forced to pledge loyalty to a country against my will should I? Wouldn't that go against everything we believed in?" Jasper knew he shouldn't be encouraging her, that an apology probably would have sufficed, but if things had turned out his way, he would be paying his respects to the Southern flag right now. _Maybe if I'd stayed for a couple more battles…. To late now. _

"Ah, I see. So you feel no respect for the country you live in? Does freedom of speech, of religion, of press mean nothing to you? I know you come from a, shall we say, privileged family, but I imagined that as an adopted child you would be more thankful for what you have."

Jasper gritted his teeth. This lady was really starting to tick him off. And she could be taken care of so easily….no, no, no, mustn't think of that. He wondered why Alice hadn't seen this and arranged for him to be called to the office or something.

"Yes, I guess this country has never done anything wrong. Not like the land we have wasn't practically stolen from those already here. Not like we never entered wars we had no right to be in **(I'm not talking about a particular war here, so don't get mad at me.)**.Not like we're in trillions of dollars of debt. Not like we never respected opinions when some decent folks decided they wanted to separate from that godforsaken Union…" People were starting to stare now, and Jasper stopped his rant. He felt a surge of emotion as he thought about the Confederacy, and he watched as a couple of nearby students got the same dreamy eyed expression as he had. Crap.

"The Confederacy? Would you rather pay allegiance to the rebel flag?"

Jasper stood up straighter and had to work to keep a southern twang out of his voice. "Ma'am, there is nothing wrong with some folks wanting to keep things the way they've been. And there is nothing wrong with the Confederacy."

Confused glances filled the classroom, but Jasper didn't care. How dare she insult the Confederacy! Suddenly an announcement came over the loudspeaker. "Jasper Hale, you're wanted at the front office."

_Thank you Alice_, he thought silently, and hurried out of the room. He could feel Mrs. Robinson's glare at his back.

Dashing to the parking lot, he met Alice by the car.

"What took you so long?" Jasper was surprised to find Alice's eyes full restrained laughter.

"Oh, I just wanted to see how far you'd take it. You get so patriotic when you start thinking of 'Dixieland.'" Alice finally gave in and began laughing hysterically. "And the way…you went….off….on her…" she gasped between giggles. "Seriously, you need to realize, the war's over." Trying to compose herself, she asked "So what in the world possessed you to make a scene like that? Carlisle's going to freak."

Jasper was trying to be mad, but kept being overwhelmed by Alice's hysteria. In desperation to do himself justice, he tried to explain. "You have no idea how many girls in that classroom were PMS-ing. I swear, what's with these people? And why do we have to be all negative on Mondays? For my sake, everyone should just fill themselves with warm and fuzzies. It's not like their life is _so_ hard." Alice broke out in another fit of laughing and Jasper joined her, both of them collapsing in mirth under the rain.

**Hehe do you like it? I'm thinking of doing a couple of oneshots about Twilight. Any ideas? Review if you liked it. Or you hated it. And remember; fill yourself with warm and fuzzies, if only for Jasper's sake.**


	2. Sorry, Volturi Style

**Hehehe a little bit of fun with the Volturi. I know from personal experience that 'Sorry' can get vicious.**

"Marcus, Caius, where are you? I want to _do_ something" Aro whined. In an instant Jane was by his side.

"Caius is out, and Marcus is pretending not to hear you. May I join?" Jane gave an angelic smile and looked at Aro expectantly.

"Of course you can. Go round up someone, and I'll get Marcus. Oh I know! Why don't we play that game that human had with him, that 'Sorry' thing? I'm sure it will be delightful!" Aro smiled to himself, pleased that he had thought of something to do. A human game would be refreshing after all the dull hours he spent with his stiff companions.

"Right away master." Jane smiled again and skipped away, off to find her brother. This would be fun. They had some unfinished business…

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"Oh Marcus, stop looking so glum. Look, I'll even let you be blue!"

"I appreciate it Aro," Marcus replied emotionlessly. Across the table sat Jane and Alec, and Marcus had a feeling this would not end well. Jane was a notorious cheater.

"Ok, so we've all read the rules, and I think the youngest should go first. Alec, Jane constantly informs us she's older by two minutes, so will you begin?" Aro clapped his hands in glee, and Alec wordlessly picked his first card. Drawing a two, he moved his pawn out of the yellow and onto the board. After completing his turn, Jane went next, frowning when she drew a three. Her frown soon turned into an all out scowl when Aro and Marcus also got their pawns out, her seraphic face looking deadly.

Finally succeeding in getting her piece into play Jane stopped glaring, and for a short time, everything was fine. Then the real game began.

"That's not fair! The rules clearly state that you can't slide on your own color."

"Oh really, Jane. Are you sure? Why don't we check the rules?" Confirming Jane correct, Alec reluctantly moved his piece to the beginning of the slide, darting a glance at his twin. Oh, he would show her….

Even Marcus began showing some enthusiasm. "Oh look, I've gotten a piece in the safety zone. Isn't that great." Despite his sarcastic tone, everyone looked shock at the positive comment. Was Marcus actually enjoying this human game?

"Are you sure you drew a two? Because I have a distinct feeling that it was a five…" Alec observed dubiously as Marcus moved another pawn into play.

Everything was mostly fun until Aro drew a seven.

"Sorry!" Aro chortled, ringing the small bell exuberantly. He was enjoying this to much. Glowering, Jane moved her pawn back to start, and Alec glanced at her warily. His sister had the habit of….losing her temper when things didn't go her way. He was surprised then, when she calmly suggested they take a break.

"I don't see why not. Why don't we meet back here, in let's say, two days?" Everyone agreed, and with strict instructions to the guard to not move the game they dispersed.

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Jane met up with Marcus the next day.

"Marcus, you know that 'Sorry' game we've been playing. Well, it's obvious that you and I are the most likely to win, and Aro will try and stop that. He's such a poor sport. But maybe," She flashed her trademark smile "We could work together."

"Jane, why do you _care_?"

Jane frowned. "Come on Marcus, you owe me. Remember when I took care of that bet you lost…."

Sighing, Marcus nodded. "Whatever you say, Jane. I'll help you win that human pastime thing." As Jane walked out of his rooms he muttered to himself "Don't see why Aro dotes on her so much…"

Jane made her way across the maze of corridors and halls with confidence. She would win for sure now. She would just have to make sure Aro didn't touch her. Arriving at his door, she knocked quietly.

"Come in, Jane dear."

She entered Aro's study, filled with the many books of histories that were his pride and joy.

"Aro," she began, careful to make sure he didn't make any contact with her, "I think we should work together on that human game. It's not like a care," she added quickly, seeing Aro's raised eyebrows "But me and Alec have this…thing about games and I deserve to beat him, so I thought I'd get your help. Of course, I'd help you too."

"Sure Jane. That game really is quite amusing. I'm thinking of showing it to Caius." Jane nodded and smiled, swiftly turning to leave. She left so fast, in fact, she didn't notice Aro reaching out his had to touch the very tips of her hair. Smiling to himself, Aro formed a plan of his own. How he did love games!

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"It's Marcus' turn." Alec stated, with a slight smile at Aro. _Now Jane would pay_.

_Oh, right, I'm supposed to help Jane_, Marcus remembered.

_I am SO going to win. They won't know what hit them…_

_These things are so much fun! Those humans really do know how to have a good time…_

The game began with Marcus drawing a four, coincidentally just enough to let him land on Alec. Waving the bell halfheartedly and mumbling "Sorry" Alec was forced to return his piece to start, giving a small smile to Aro when he in turn landed on Marcus. Jane got a piece in, but was then sorryed by one of Alec's pawns. Furious, she looked at Aro and Marcus, trying to plead to them both for backup without the other catching on. Aro smiled, loving all of the drama, and drew another card.

They began playing faster and faster, their vampire-quick movements making the pieces appear to fly around the board. Suddenly Alec exploded.

"Aro, you're supposed to be helping me! How am I supposed to beat Jane if you keep landing on me!"

"WHAT? Aro, you were on MY team!"

"I thought _I_ was on your team…."

"No, I never agreed to help _either_ of you."

"Were you trying to form an alliance with…"

"I can't believe you would do something like this…"

"Always taking things so seriously…"

"YOU ALWAYS TRIED TO BEAT ME, EVEN WHEN MOM TOLD YOU NOT TO! I HEARD THAT DISCUSSION THAT NIGHT IN THE PANTRY…."

"All right you two, no need to go crying over century old spilled milk…"

"AND YOU ALWAYS WHINING, HE BEAT ME, HE BEAT ME AGAIN! NEVER A MOMENTS PEACE….

"OH ALEC, LIKE YOU WERE SO PERFECT YOURSELF. YOU'RE THE REASON THEY ACCUESED US, YOU KNOW!"

"NOT THIS AGAIN JANE! LET IT GO! IT'S OVER. AND IF IT'S ANYONE'S FAULT, YOUR LITTLE STUNT…."

"Hey look, I won!" Marcus cried, and the room grew deathly silent.

"But you can't play, it was a timeout."

"No one ever said that."

"Look who's cheating now Marcus…."

"Oh, like you have any right to talk about cheating mister…"

"Yeah, I kind of do. You know, you're the one who started this thing."

"I think we should have a do-over. I _was_ clearly winning after all."

"What?! You should be disquafied! Forming secret 'alliances' is against the rules."

"Oh, show me where it says that!" Jane was fuming, and in a moment her brother was on the floor, writhing in agony.

"Enough, enough you two. Now let's all think about this." Marcus turned to Aro. "Do you know what we should do? They won't let this go." Turning to Jane he commanded "Let the poor by up."

Aro thought for a moment. "I know, I know! We'll call Carlisle, he's always so fair! He'll know how to solve this little dilemma." Clapping his hands, Aro sent a nearby guard to find a phone.

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"Who was that?" Esme asked, curious about her husband's strange reaction to the phone call.

"Oh, nothing. Only the world's deadliest group of vampires needing a referee for a simple game of Sorry." Carlisle shook his head and smiled, wondering how creatures over a thousand years old could still act like Kindergarteners.

**Did you like it? Hate it? Think it was stupid? Think it was wonderful? Tell me what you think by reviewing! **


	3. Stranger Danger

**A little oneshot inspired by Jessie…(sorry it's so short)**

"Just one more store you guys, come on, _then_ we'll get Bella some lunch." Emmett sighed. If he had to go into one more girly store he would die (again). Claire's was bad enough, but Victoria's Secret….he shuddered at the memory.

Standing beside him, Bella too looked drained. She was carrying five bags from different stores, each containing clothes she was sure she didn't need and had no reason to wear. But Alice had insisted, and turned those sad eyes on her….and, well, she got the clothes, the entire time secretly storing receipts in order to return everything later. Alice had bought her so many things she was sure she wouldn't notice. Tired and even a little hungry Bella decided it was time to stop playing fair and pull the Edward card.

"Um, Alice, I don't think Edward will be happy if I faint from lack of fluids. You go on ahead, and Emmett and I can head to the food court."

Pouting slightly at the idea Alice soon brightened up, an evil grin on her face. "Okay, but now I can buy you anything I want. And you have to keep it. I saw you with those receipts." She pranced away, and Bella groaned at the thought of being stuck with all those clothes. Stupid vampires and their super-ability-things.

"I don't need an outfit for every day of the year! Laundry's not that bad." Bella grumbled, and together they set off to the food court. It was on the other end of the mall, and it would take a couple of minutes to get there. On their way a woman stopped them and asked directions to a nearby store. Setting the woman in the right direction, Bella continued through the mall only to have Emmett stop her.

"What?" She asked in confusion.

"Bella," Emmett paused dramatically, "_Do you know who that was?"_

"No." Bella replied. Was this some new Hollywood star she hadn't heard about? The woman hadn't looked that good…

"Exactly," Emmett continued in a low voice. "It was a _stranger_."

Bella smiled and decided to play along. "Oh my gosh, your right! Think of what could have happened! I'm so glad you're here Emmett."

Emmett gave his goofy smile, but soon composed his face into seriousness. "You'll have to be careful, Bella. We can't let anything happen to you. You've got to think of Edward!"

Bella nodded in earnest, working to keep a smile off her face. This would be fun.

They continued walking, with Emmett looking at the occasional passerby with suspicious eyes. Bella decided to keep the joke going.

"Emmett? Look over there! That man looks _freaky_!" She pointed to a businessman in a black suit talking on a cell phone. He seemed to be deeply concentrating on his conversation and would sometimes use hand motions as he talked.

"You're right Bella, I don't know how I could have missed him. And it's not even a business day. _Very_ suspicious."

"He could be anyone! Maybe he's a hit man. Look at that! Didn't that had motion look like chopping someone's head off?" The man had just made a swift slicing motion with his left hand, and Bella had to work to restrain her giggles. People who made motions while they talked were so funny.

"And look at that woman over there. I'm sure she's a government spy. That mirror is probably a camera in disguise."

"See the old man by the fountain? He's really an escaped felon. No one has ever known what happened to him, and some say he still continues with his evil ways…"

They were talking over one another now, each voice rising in volume as they became more enthusiastic. People were beginning to stare.

"Hurry Emmett! That little girl with the ice cream looks EVIL!"

"That clown is probably running a meth lab!"

"I never trusted clowns. Look, that couple over there look like they could be aliens!"

"Pink ponies equal cruelty!"

"I THINK THERE'S SOMEONE HIDING BEHIND THAT PLANT!"

"THAT FOUNTAIN IS REALLY A GIANT ROBOT!"

"THOSE BABIES ARE PROBABLY FROM THE FUTURE! AND WORSE, THEY'RE STRANGERS!"

Suddenly Bella felt a tap on her shoulder. "Um, excuse me, but could you tell me where the bathroom is?"

"STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! GET AWAY FROM HER! STRANGER!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett, like always had taken it too far. The person, a boy of about fifteen, ran away as fast as he good, one glimpse of Emmett's muscles enough to scare him off. Bella and Emmett burst out laughing. Suddenly Alice was by their sides.

"Emmett, why were you about to sneak up on me and scream 'Run, it's a stranger?'" Emmett cursed under his breath. Why did she always ruin his fun? Bella was hysterical beside him, and with one look Alice decided it was time to go home.

On the drive back, Emmett remembered one of Bella's comments.

"So, Bella, have problems with clowns?"

"A little. Nothing nearly as serious as you and ponies though."

**Did you like it? Hate it? Either way, review! And thanks to those of you who have. Every review makes me so excited!**

**On another note I have no idea how often I'll update this. Whenever an idea hits me I guess…if you have one, please tell me**!


	4. La Push Fun

**Quite frankly, I'm a little tired of Cullen stories. Here's a tale about the pack…enjoy.**

"Let's do something." Quil complained. He, Embry, and Seth were in the forest, hanging out and not doing much of anything.

"We could phase. Brady and Collin have the shift right now, so we could just mess around." Even as he spoke, Embry didn't seem that excited by the idea. Being a werewolf could get old, especially when it sometimes felt more like a burden than a gift.

But Quil and Seth, being newer, embraced the idea with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, that'd be awesome!"

"I've been wanting to get a good run for a while…"

Grinning with excitement, each boy phased, three enormous wolves standing in their place.

The next few minutes were spent in the predictable form mock-fighting and racing, the three boys bounding with energy in their wolf forms. In their minds they watched Brady and Collin taking their shift, each nervous about being so new, but mostly listened to each others' thoughts. That's how, after only ten minutes, they all realized at the exact same moment they were, yet again, bored.

_This is getting old. I'm sick of beating you guys._ Thought Quil arrogantly.

Ignoring the remark, Seth agreed._ Yeah, I'd rather be kicking some vampire butt right now! _Sighing he looked around dejectedly.What to do, what to do…

_Maybe we could meet up with Brady and Collin. It shouldn't take to long to get there._ Embry considered.

_Nah. Leah's planning on phasing soon. We wouldn't have time to do anything fun_. Each boy shuddered. True, they cared for their sister as they did all their brothers, but the feeling was….strained. Leah was constantly bringing up things the pack preferred not to think about, and never agreed with the rest of the pack.

_Speaking of Leah, she stole my Teddy the other night…_Seth thought absentmindedly. He soon became embarrassed when the other boys began to roar in laughter in their minds. It was easy to forget they could hear him.

_Teddy? Seriously man, you're what, thirteen?_

_I've had it since I was little_, though Seth defensively, _And I wouldn't be talking, Embry. I know you used to have a crush. Wouldn't you love to look at her diary, see if she ever returned those feelings? _Now Embry was embarrassed. That wasn't fair….he knew they knew he didn't like to talk about that. It was third grade for crying out loud! His embarrassment soon turned to anger when he Quil's guffaws grew louder.

_Oh, and Quil, we heard you thinking about that Hannah Montana signed poster she's rumored to have. We all know you're a huge fan…_Hey! It wasn't his fault that 'The Best of Both Worlds' fit his life perfectly. And she was pretty cool.

_I know! Why don't we try and get them, Seth's 'teddy' Embry's diary, and that Hannah Montana poster! I just know she has it! Seth, do you have any idea where she keeps her secret things?_ Seth considered this. He had already searched the entire house in his anxiousness to find his teddy, and knew for certain that it contained no Hannah Montana posters or diaries. Then he remembered the spot Leah went to every time she phased. It would be the perfect place to hide something! He had stumbled upon it by accident one day, following Leah's mental image, and knew it laid about a half mile from his home, at the edge of the forest. There was a large tree near it, and in the base it had a large hollow opening, perfect for storing things but also keeping them dry and dirt free. As he thought about it the boys nodded in agreement.

_Perfect._

_I wonder if she did ever like me back…_

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_Okay boys, the moment of glory_. They had reached the tree in no time, and had found in the hollow a small black bag, and Seth recognized it as a tote bag she had gotten a couple of years ago. He was now pulling it out and fumbling with the zipper, trying to get a grasp with his canine teeth.

_The BEEEST OF BOTH WOOOOOOOORLDS!_ Quil thought.

_Dear diary…oh the fun I could have!_

Seth finally managed to open the zipper and plunged in with his paws. Only to his surprise he pulled out…….

A bra. A pink, polka dotted, lacy BRA.

Mentally shrieking, he dropped it as if it were toxic. Dumping out the rest of the contents, the boys realized it contained a lacy camy, a top, a pair of pink underwear, and some jeans.

They had forgotten that Leah couldn't just walk around the reservation with only pants on, like the rest of the boys. In fact, none of them had considered it at all. They stared at the pile of clothes, unable to think of what to do, when suddenly they heard a growl in their minds.

Oh crap. Leah had phased.

It seemed to take her only seconds to get there, and the boys stared in horror at the gray wolf glowering at them ten yards away. She lunged.

_I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! What the FREAK did you think you were doing? Seth you are SO dead. YOU WILL NEVER SEE TEDDY AGAIN, SETH! What's this about my diary? _She commented in response to Quil's thoughts_. YOU WERE LOOKING FOR MY DIARY! Of all the stupid, disgusting, idiotic things I have seen this pack do, THIS IS THE WORST! YOU…ARE….DEAD!_

She was lunging at each of them, snarling and growling, yet unable to attack all three at once. The boys frantically considered their options. Leah would, in this state, gladly rip them to shreds. They hoped Brady and Collin had gotten some help, for they no longer could hear their thoughts.

This wasn't good.

All of a sudden another mind joined the connection. Brady and Collin had gotten help. _Leah, stop_. Leah sat back, gasping for air as she attempted to attack them, her eyes bulging from the strain. She looked at the boys with contempt in her eyes, but they could see she was slowly beginning to calm down, not able to disobey a direct order. Thank God Sam had come.

His big black form was on the scene in less than a minute. Surveying the array of clothes on the ground, he thought, _What happened?_

_They were going through my things…._

_Not on purpose! You shouldn't have taken teddy…._

_Embry wanted to see her diary…_

_And I'm wondering, DO THEY KNOW THE MEANING OF PRIVACY? Stupid, evil, moronic…_

_Quil just _had_ to get that Hannah Montana poster…_

_But _I_ said, that's not a good idea…_

_And if she would have just calmed down…_

Sifting through the flurry of thoughts, Sam finally reconstructed what had happened. _Everyone, quiet_ he ordered.

Instantly the thoughts stopped. Sam sighed. _Embry, Quil, Seth, apologize to Leah._

_Sorry._ They each grumbled.

_At least punish them a little. _Sam growled, and Leah stopped.

_Now_, he continued, _Each of you guys will be helping Leah with her chores. Seth, you this month, Embry, the next, and Quil the month after that. And no phasing for fun for a month. Patrol only. Got it? Lets go. _Each of the boys hung his head. Not being able to phase was bad enough, but taking orders from Leah? This would be a nightmare.

Leah was smiling wickedly. Oh the fun she would have. They headed back to Emily's house.

The moral of the story; never look at the contents of a woman's purse.

**I hope you guys like it! Please review, and if you have any ideas or requests, tell me! Do you want a sequel to this chapter???**


	5. Carlisle's Midafterlife Crisis

**I should really be writing 'Alice' right now…oh well. This chapter is dedicated to Ellie.**

Carlisle easily navigated the new minivan up his long driveway, wondering why people would ever need a car this big. It seemed the 'it' thing for moms to have, but he'd always thought children looking scared to death as they made that huge leap from their seats to the ground. Still, it was what Esme wanted, and he would do anything for her.

"_Carlisle, I was wanting to talk to you…about getting a car." Carlisle had looked up into his wife's eyes, love and compassions pouring out of him. He was happy she was finally deciding to get a vehicle of her own, when the rest of the family all owned one._

"_You know you don't need to ask me, but of course we'll get you one. Anything you like. Rosalie would probably be good at helping you find one." He smiled up at her, only to be surprised as she appeared to hesitate. Surely she knew nothing was beyond there price range. She could have anything she wanted. _She'd like a fast car,_ he thought to himself, _but one with class.

_He was therefore surprised at her next words._

"_I, well, I think it'd be nice if we had a minivan."_

_Carlisle stared up at her confused. A minivan? Why would they need one of those. Esme quickly attempted to explain herself._

"_Everyone in my garden club has one, and, well, all the other moms in town have one to." She spoke in a rush, her words jumbled together. "We don't have to, I know we don't need one, I just thought…"_

"_Honey," Carlisle interrupted, "We'll get you whatever you want. No problem. Now let's go get that minivan." She smiled up at him gratefully._

And so they had. Carlisle knew that Esme longed to be a real mother, and though she loved her adopted children with all her heart and soul, sometimes she just needed something more to make her feel the part. They had picked out the car the previous day, and he had picked it up after work today. He looked down at his clothes. They were his business attire, seeing as he had had to attend a meeting today, and he really wanted to change out of them quickly. Carlisle parked the car and walked inside, hoping to escape up to his study and get in a quiet evening of browsing WebMD.

He hadn't anticipated his childrens teasing.

It started the moment he entered the door. Bella, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice and Emmett were all sitting in the living room, staring up expectantly at him. He wondered why they were all hanging out together. Usually they broke up into smaller groups, each couple doing there own thing, or girls and boys together.

He didn't realize it was an ambush.

"Love the new wheels," Rosalie groaned sarcastically. It was obvious from her expression she thought Esme's new car was lower than low.

"I doubt I can even fit in that thing," whined Emmett. "Do we have to ride in it?"

Carlisle sighed. "No, you can continue driving your own cars. Esme just wanted something for herself." What was the big deal anyway?

"Nice outfit," Jasper smirked, and Carlisle wondered what was so funny. He wore suits every month at least…

"Black looks great on you," Edward chimed in.

"Oh Carlisle," Alice sang, "A letter came for you today. It's from one of the nurses at the hospital." Oh no. "She even sent a picture." In the corner Bella giggled, and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Let's read it."

"Dear Dr. Cullen, I'm so happy to be working with you, but I find my job a little more difficult than anticipated. Do you think it would be _too_ much trouble to set up a private meeting with me? I would _love_ to go over details of my job with you. Thank you ever so much, Sincerely, Amanda, your intern. Oh, and look, is that lipstick I see? Sounds like somebody has a little crush."

"Oooooooh, Carlisle, you're not secretly dating a nurse are you? That would be such a huge scandal," Bella teased.

"I heard her at the hospital yesterday. She has a huge thing for you," Edward added.

"Carlisle, I detect an interesting feeling coming off of you…could if be something more than embarrassment…?"

Carlisle frowned. "I don't know what you guys have been up to, but whatever it is…"

"Well, you have to admit, it is a little weird," Emmett added, barely able to keep a smile off his face. Dear god, they had planned this. Emmett's terrible acting always gave him away.

"Hey," Bella shouted with fake enthusiasm. "I just put it together. I know what's up with Carlisle!" Alice smiled and everyone looked at Bella expectantly.

"Carlisle how old are you?"

"Three-hundred-sixty-fiveish, give or take a few years," he answered honestly. Alice smiled wickedly.

"Well," Bella began slowly, "There comes a time when some people feel the need to change their life. They buy new cars, dress up, and date younger women. It happens to a lot of people, so there's no reason to be worried."

"Ha! Carlisle's having a mid-life crisis." Emmett yelled, triumphant at being given such an important role. Rosalie shot an annoyed look at him.

"Well, technically, a mid-afterlife crisis would be more correct, but you've got the gist of it." Carlisle, usually patient, began to frown. This was not funny.

"Now," interrupted Jasper, "Carlisle, I know something of how you feel, but I believe it's important to admit this to yourself first. Have you felt the desire to strive for some long-lost dream or goal, a desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness, or attraction to younger members of the opposite sex?" Jasper, having years of practice, was the only one who managed to keep a straight face through his entire delivery. His eyes danced watching Carlisle clench his fists.

"Children, I do not think this is nearly as funny as you think it is. Now why don't I just go upstairs to my study." He paused. "And could you please not mention this to your mother?"

"Oh no Carlisle," said Alice, suddenly blocking the stairwell, "Not dealing with this could cause all sorts of problems. It could lead to alcohol abuse, depression, or buying lots of expensive things." Suddenly she stopped. "Hey, these sound like fun! Can I have a mid-afterlife crisis too?"

"I don't know why you think your little games are so fun…"

"I'd buy out all the good fashion companies, and start my own line. Oh, and then I would buy a city! Wouldn't that be fun? A whole city just to myself!"

"Don't forget to buy out all the good car companies," Rosalie added.

"And I would own all the nail polish in the world!" Alice became more and more excited by the idea. "And I could test it on Bella, and she'd look so cute. I know! I could buy every shade of eyeshadow ever made! Wouldn't that be exciting! Carlisle, don't worry about this, you should embrace it! As far as I know, you only get these things once. "

"I have an idea," Bella shouted over the laughter, constantly being fed to by Jasper, "We could call Aro! Maybe he had one too! I bet he bought a castle or something during his!"

The entire family was in hysterics now, Alice's grin stretching across her face, as Carlisle stormed up the stairs. From above they heard him call "I am NOT having a mid-life crisis."

"And so it begins." Alice smiled an evil grin.

**Hmm, I liked this idea. Let me know if you did. I don't think Carlisle would get this ang****ry, but where's the fun in that? Review please please please, and if you have any ideas let me know! BTW, this is a oneshot, Alice's last words are only there 'cause I thought they were funny.**


	6. An Uncomfortable Appointment

**Well, this chapter is, um, somewhat strange. It was written at midnight. You've been warned. If you guys tell me it really sucks I'll delete it. I'm not using the best judgment right now…**

"Dr. Cullen," the nurse called, waving a clipboard and running after him as he strode quickly through the hall, "There's a woman here who wants to see you. She asked _specifically_ for you."

He sighed. Every woman who was admitted into the hospital asked for him. And some got admitted just so they could. "Barbara, you know the policy, it's the first available doctor, and I was just going to lunch. I really don't have time…"

"Oh no, you're the only one qualified here to give her treatment. She insists you see her immediately." Carlisle reluctantly gave in, heading back to the patient ward. Behind him he saw the nurse high five the female receptionist and smile coyly.

He checked a chart and walked into the room, where a woman in her mid-forties was sitting. She had bleached blond hair and a fake tan, her face a mask of cosmetics. When she smiled her forehead barely moved, the skin on her face pulled taut. Carlisle reached out a hand in greeting.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Cullen. What can I do for you?"

She sighed dramatically. "Doctor, I have a problem." She paused. "I need to go under the knife."

Carlisle exhaled sharply, wondering what this woman could possibly need. She was stick figure thin, and her face had already received generous portions of Botox. What more did she want?

"What is it that I can help you with?"

"I need," she paused for affect, "A breast enhancement." She hurried to open her white hospital gown, barely giving Carlisle a moment to think.

"Uh," he stammered, "This hospital is for medical purposes only. If you want plastic surgery, you'll need to go to a private practice. I hear there's a wonderful doctor in Seattle who is a lot more qualified than I am."

"Oh," she pouted. "But I'm simply _sick_ of this life. I just need a boost, I want to feel young again. Is that so wrong? And my closest friends recommended you." The entire speech sounded rehearsed, and thinking back Carlisle remembered seeing two other collagen-pumped women recently. They were one of the ones who had faked an illness that could be treated by 'only him'. This woman, however, had taken things to extremes.

"O-okay, I guess I can take a look. But I'm really not qualified to do the actual procedure." Carlisle tried his best to be diplomatic as he got his supplies ready. This would be a long appointment.

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"Um, Esme," Alice giggled, her gaze refocusing, "You might want to go to the hospital. Some woman is harassing your husband."

"Oh, it happens every day."

"Well," Alice began uncomfortably, "The situation involves breast enlargement."

The moment the words left Alice's mouth, Esme bolted out the door at top speed.

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"Do you think the left feels plumper than the right?" The woman smiled, clearly enjoying his discomfort. The things women would do for a few minutes with the gorgeous Dr. Cullen…

"Erm, why don't you tell me?" He really, really, REALLY did not like this situation.

"Oh, you're the doctor. And I need an unbiased opinion." She fluttered her eyelashes, mascara flying off the tips.

"Well, uh, I guess, but see, I'm really not trained for this…"

"I'm sure you'll have excellent judgment," she replied in what he was sure she believed to be a seductive tone.

Grimacing, he pulled on a surgical glove. The elastic snapped on his wrist, but Carlisle barely noticed. He reached forward slowly.

A large crash sounded outside and in an instant Esme had barged in the room and was glaring at the woman, who upon seeing her attempted to button the hospital gown as quickly as possible. Her eyes sparked with fury.

"GET AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU NO GOOD, DIRTY, LINT-LICKING HUSSY!" Esme's voice was filled with rage, and the woman scrambled out of the room, forgetting her clothes in her hurry. She dashed through the hospital forgetting her state of dress, receiving many longing looks from men she passed. Once in her car she realized her mistake, speeding off to find a clothing store. Carlisle laughed as he imagined her face, glad that yet again karma was making the world right.

"Esme, thank god, I had no idea what I was going to do." His voice was no longer panicked as he looked lovingly at his wife.

"That's okay honey." Esme reached over and kissed her husband. "Oh, and you forgot your 'lunch' so I brought it for you." Handing him a paper bag she turned to leave.

"Oh, and dear, don't do that again."

**Wow, very strange, I know. And very short. Yet again, sorry. Review, review, review! If I don't get reviews, I'll probably delete it. I hate to be like this.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Twilight-Day-Every-Day, who co-wrote this with me.**


	7. Anorexic Alice

"Bella Swan," a female voice cackled over the loudspeaker, "Please report to the guidance office." Bella quickly gathered her things and walked out of the building, pulling up her hood to shield her face from the drizzling rain. Her shoes clacked loudly against the cement sidewalk, and she sighed. Alice had insisted on dressing her this morning, and she had meekly surrendered to her demands. Now she was in tight blue skinny jeans, small black heels, and a low-cut maroon sweater with a lacy camie underneath. All morning she'd been on the receiving end lustful stares from every boy in Forks High, and between these and Edward's continuous growls she had grown especially exasperated. 

She soon reached the guidance building and walked in quickly, glad to be out of the rain. She was greeted by a middle-aged woman with frizzy blond hair who handed her a small stack of papers. 

"We found the scholarship forms you requested. You can fill them out over the weekend, and return them sometime this month. I wish you the best of luck dear, our records show you're an excellent student." 

Bella smiled gratefully, accepting the stack of forms. "Thanks. I appreciate it." 

"You can go back to class now, Ms. Swan, unless you have anything else you wish to discuss with me." Bella nodded, turning to leave, when she tripped in her heels. She barely caught herself by grabbing the edge of a bulletin board, tearing a flyer that was hanging there. _I'm going kill Alice…_

"Oh, sorry about that," Bella mumbled, red in the face. As she handed the flyer back to the counselor, she read the words WILL YOU BE THERE WHEN YOUR FRIEND HAS AN EATING DISORDER?" Suddenly a plan sprung into her mind.

"Um, Mrs. Reeston," she said reading a nearby nameplate, "actually, there is something I would like to talk to you about. Do you mind?"

"Sure sweetie. Why don't you come over here and sit down?" Mrs. Reeston led them over to a pair of chairs in the corner, sitting down and motioning for Bella to do the same.

Bella gave a small smile, working to keep the expression of a worried friend. This was going to be good.

"See, one of my friends, I think she has a….problem."

"You know you can talk to us whenever you need to. We are here to help." the councilor responded in a sympathetic tone.

Bella took a deep breath, trying to make this a truthful as possible. She had to do this just right. "Well, the other day, I was reading in the paper about a girl with anorexia, where you don't eat and constantly exercise. And the girl got thinner and thinner until it killed her. I began to think my friend might be like that."

Mrs. Reeston nodded. "Go on dear, you can tell me anything."

Bella pinched herself, trying to bring tears to her eyes. She might as well go all out. "This girl, she never eats, and I just don't know what to do. At lunch, she just sits there, staring at the tray. And," she paused, as if struggling for breath "I'm really worried." She managed to make her act somewhat convincing, overcoming her horrible lying skills by concentrating on the true parts of the statement. Alice didn't eat, and sometimes she really was worried for her….

"We really need to know who this is. It's the only way we can help them." Her tone was caring but firm.

Bella nodded. "It's…..it's Alice Cullen."

The councilor flashed her an assuring look, standing up and heading to the phone, calling Alice out of class. Oh was she going to get it….

Mrs. Reeston returned to her seat and together she and Bella waited in silence, jumping when Alice entered minutes later. She looked angrily at Bella, then composed herself and turned to the councilor. "Is anything wrong?"

"Please, Ms. Cullen, why don't you sit down over her? I have a couple of questions to ask you." Alice complied, sinking gracefully beside Bella, a look of total innocence on her face.

"Now, I know this might be hard to talk about, but your friend has told me you haven't been eating. Is this true?"

Alice flashed an angelic smile, perfectly at ease. "Oh, I don't think there's a problem. Sometimes I skip lunch, but usually it's just the classic reason-I'm not big on cafeteria food. But you can ask any of my siblings and they'll assure you I'm always snacking on this or that. Bella's a great friend, and she always worries about me, but usually it's not necessary. Really, I'm very lucky." Her delivery was ten times better than Bella's, and Mrs. Reeston looked partially convinced.

"Okay sweetie, but if something's going on, you need to tell us about it. You know we're here to help," she said, repeating her earlier words.

"I understand. I know this is a big problem for a lot of girls." The councilor smiled somewhat unsteadily. Suddenly her face lit up, as if she had just gotten an idea. Bella heard Alice give a small growl next to her, and was worried what the woman had decided.

"Here, before you go, I would love for you to try one of my homemade cookies. I'm taking them to my garden club meeting this afternoon, but need an outside opinion. There's chocolate chip, cinnamon, and oatmeal, so you should probably try each one to make sure they're all okay."

Alice smiled feebly, looking uncomfortable. "Of course."

Mrs. Reeston walked over to her desk and grabbed a Tupperware container off the top. Coming back over she popped off the top and handed the box to Alice.

Alice tried to contain herself, but Bella didn't miss the look of disgust on her face when she grabbed a cookie. She shoved it into her mouth, chewed quickly, and swallowed, looking as if she was about to be sick. Alice quickly ate two more, a grimace on her face as she licked her lips and her fingers.

"Those are delicious. I'm sure everyone will love them." Alice's tone was light and cheery, but she stared at Bella with loathing. This had worked out much better than she had planned.

The councilor seemed satisfied. "You can go now girls. Come back and see me if you want to talk." Alice and Bella stood, gathering their things and left.

Mrs. Reeston watched them walk away, observing Alice drag them into the girl's bathroom. "Hmm…" she mumbled to herself. Grabbing a sticky note, she wrote in uneven handwriting "Alice Cullen, possible bulimic?"

**What did you think of that? I thought it was somewhat entertaining. Thanks again to Jessie for the idea! Like it? Hate it? REVIEW!!!!!¡¡¡¡¡**


	8. Pep Rally

**The Spartans are the real Forks High mascots and their colors really are blue and yellow. I thought up this scene during a boring pep rally of our own.**

"Where are you two going?" Alice bounced over to Bella and Edward, a smile dancing across her face.

Bella rolled her eyes. "To class, like we do every morning." Next to her Edward shifted, undoubtedly finding what was occupying Alice's mind not nearly as exciting as she did.

"No you're not. There's a surprise pep rally this morning, and I want to get to the gym early so we can get the good seats." Seemingly out of nowhere she pulled out a pair of yellow and blue pom-poms. "_Go_ Spartans!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Okay Alice, Bella and I will meet you there in a moment. Are you getting everyone else..?" Alice shook her head briskly, cutting him off before he could finish.

"Oh no, Bella can't go to a pep rally looking like that. We need to get her spirited." Grabbing Bella's hand she pranced off to the bathroom, a cringing Bella following.

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"Edward," Bella squeaked, "How pathetic do I look?" She pushed her hair in front of her shoulder, trying in vain to hide the blue streaks that decorated her cheeks. In her hands two limp blue and yellow pom-poms sagged, and her shirt proclaimed "PROUD TO BE A SPARTAN!" Next to her, Alice was even more spirited, wearing striped leggings, tennis shoes, a t-shirt, and a plaid skirt-all in school colors. She wondered where she had managed to find everything.

Edward eyed her and Alice's outfits with raised eyebrows. "Well, they certainly are unique," he leaned in to her ear and smiled, "and you know I love the color blue on you." She blushed, knowing that he was only teasing, his words causing her heart to flutter. Bella turned forward, where the cheerleading team was running onto the floor, smiles wide and holding enormous megaphones. She spotted Jessica and Lauren among the girls, who were now beginning to lead the crowd in a cheer, and around her people stood up and clapped. Their voices rose, louder and louder until the entire gym was thundering with the sound. Bella was clapping along halfheartedly - she really didn't see the point in pep rallies - when she noticed Jasper huddled up in a ball.

"Alice," Bella said, shooting her friend a concerned glance, "Is Jasper okay?" She heard a muffled groan.

"All these positive emotions about make me want to scream. I can't take it much longer." Edward nodded, holding his head, and Alice gave Bella a knowing look.

"They're trying to 'keep it cool' instead of just having fun like everyone else! They're completely missing out on the high school experience!" She laughed and pulled Jasper to his feet, beginning to shout "Go Spartans!" in unison with the rest of the crowd. Edward shook his head, and Bella left him sitting and turned to face forward.

On the floor the football team ran out in full uniform, not seeming to know where they were supposed to go and making a full lap around the gym before coming to a sudden stop in the front left corner, causing many of the boys to collide and fall.

Looking at the boys with disdain the cheerleaders began a complicated routine, whistles coming from the stands as a skirt would fly up. As it ended a blond junior turned in the Cullen's direction and winked, smiling coyly at Emmett. Rosalie growled.

"That girl did _not_ just…" She stopped mid-sentence as the girl turned and said something to another cheerleader. They both giggled, and Rosalie stood up furious. "Not about my husband you don't."

She stormed down the bleachers, her face enraged. "This can't be good," Emmett mumbled, and started to go after her. Bella sent a nervous glance at Alice who only smiled.

Rosalie stormed across the gym, heading right up to the girl. The gym grew strangely silent as she walked, Emmett a few feet behind her. He looked at a loss to do anything,

"Can I help you?" The girl asked haughtily.

Rosalie replied in the same tone. "Yeah. Back off of my boyfriend. He's mine."

"Who said I wanted him?"

Rosalie's gaze was cold and even. "You did, not two minutes ago."

The girl looked surprised, but quickly regained her composure. "Maybe Emmett wants someone new. An athlete, like him perhaps?" She did a toe-touch for effect.

Scowling, Rosalie turned and grabbed Emmett, whispering into his ear. Emmett laughed and hoisted Rosalie up in the air cheerleader-style where she executed a perfect turn and landed on one leg. Jumping back into the air, she did a toe touch of her own, finishing it off with a twist down. Back in Emmett's hand, she finished with a move Bella was sure wasn't allowed in cheerleading, involving his hands sliding down and around her as he lowered her to the ground. Whistles came from the crowd as Rosalie sashayed back over, hands on hips.

"You were saying?" The girl sat, speechless.

Thankfully, her theatrical tendencies seemed nearly satisfied for the day. "Just remember; stay away from my boyfriend, bitch." Rosalie pivoted and walked back to the bleachers with Emmett behind her, where the principal was waiting with a stack of PDA citations. The crowd didn't notice, however, as their attention was now focused on someone else.

One lone football player was staggering to meet his teammates, his walk clumsy and drunken. In his hand was an empty beer can, and he seemed to be concentrating very hard on putting one foot in front of the other.

Laughter rang out as the coach hurried over to the boy and guided him back to the door, and chant of "Spartan pride" beginning anew. Jasper, finally losing all restraint, began to yell with them. Bella laughed, and looked over at Alice to find her expression smug.

"What?"

Alice pointed to Rosalie, the boy, and Jasper. "Romance, drugs, and peer pressure. Pep rallies truly are the high school experience."

**Review and you get a cookie. For those who read Alice, I'm sorry it has taken so long!**

**Got ideas? Tell me!**


	9. Gym

**Merry Christmas everyone! This chapter inspired by a certain kookoomonkeys, who is always dragging me to the stupid cardio classes.**

It would be simple really. He could just walk in, tell them, and head off to his meeting.

"Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Bella," he called, raising his voice for the last two. Immediately seven figures appeared in front of him.

"As you know, I'm a member of the Forks Health Board. One of our goals has been to build a fitness facility, and to make a long story short, with some extra contributions, it was accomplished. Since we were one of the main benefactors, it was only natural that I get us all memberships." It was a simple thing really. Carlisle checked his watch, thinking that hopefully he could be out of here in the next ten minutes.

He didn't imagine the chaos.

"Do you honestly expect me to stand in a room with grunting, sweating, disgusting humans…?"

"Honey, you know I support you, but really, what are we supposed to do at a gym?"

"You should love it Alice. Great way to burn off those extra calories…"

"Gyms are some of the worst places ever! First there are the people hating every moment of exercise, and then BOOM! Endorphins and happiness!"

"People don't tend to think the most positive thoughts when exercising…"

Carlisle sighed. He held up his hand in silence. "I'm only asking you to go for a few months. Start off going frequently, and then slack off as time passes. From what I understand that's the normal behavior pattern." He turned. "Alice, I'm guessing you've already made arrangements?"

Alice smiled. "All taken care of!" As if by magic eight bags appeared in her hands. She began passing them out to the family. "They're the perfect combination of style and technology. Even better, they're monogrammed!" She clapped her hands and finished distributing the bags to the family, waiting for their reactions.

Emmett, who was the quickest to open his bag, was the first to respond. "It's….pink." And it was. In his hands he held a pair of workout pants and shirt, which had an "EC" embroidered in delicate font on the sleeve.

Alice shook her head. "No, it's _maroon_. Everyone's got their own color." She pulled out hers. "Mine's yellow!"

The rest of the family reluctantly opened their bags. Carlisle was relieved to find his black, a nice normal color. He quickly surveyed everyone else's —Rosalie had red, Jasper navy, Esme lilac, Edward brown, and Bella a light blue. Rosalie still had a sour expression on his face, and Jasper seemed to be cringing, probably anticipating an onslaught of emotions. But the rest of the family was agreeable. Glancing at his watch, Carlisle decided this would be a good time to leave. He didn't want to be here when the next round of insanity broke out.

"I'd love to try mine on, but I really have to be at a meeting. Maybe tomorrow all of you can go to the gym."

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Although Alice had assured Bella she looked perfect Bella still felt awkward going into the gym. Her blue workout sweats, matching sweatband, and water bottle seemed so…fake. It was to perfect, as if Alice had constructed the look from those trendy advertisements at big city health clubs. Come to think of it, that had probably been exactly what she had done.

Behind her the rest of the family filed in, hoping to come once and be done with it. They had taken Carlisle's words a little too literally. About twenty other people were there, none in matching clothes, Bella noticed, and the entire place looked pretty large. Bella wondered exactly how much the Cullens had donated.

"So," Rosalie said breaking the silence as she looked around at the accumulation of machines and equipment that littered the floor, "what are we supposed to do?"

"I'm going to lift some weights." Emmett said smirking, and walked over to a section filled with barbells. Three men were there, looking tough as they hoisted huge weights into the air. Bella had a bad feeling that Emmett was about to begin one of his infamous contests. She watched as Jasper went after him, and after glancing quickly at Bella, Edward followed.

Esme looked at her watch. "Well, I signed up for a yoga class with some of the other ladies in my garden club. I had better get going. " She smiled. "Have fun!" Rosalie sniffed, then walked over to a treadmill and began jogging. Bella noticed mens' eyes turn to watch.

Bella faced Alice. "So, what are we doing?"

Alice smiled angelically. "_We_ are going to aerobics." She pulled Bella along behind her as she made her way to the back of the gym. In the wall a small wooden door was set, and without another word Alice flung it open.

Inside a group of about seven middle-aged women were setting up small workout stations. Bella saw to her horror they included a board balanced on two blocks, an exercise ball, and a large black bar. This was a disaster waiting to happen. Hadn't someone informed Alice about Bella's infamous clumsiness?

Alice bounded to a far corner, grabbing their supplies from a rack and proceeding to set up similar stations directly in front of the instructor. She was a small woman with her blond hair pulled up with a perfection that only comes from practice, and her body was perfect. She would have been very pretty if Alice had not been standing beside her.

At Alice's beckon Bella despondently made her way across the floor. Alice stood ready at her station, her smile never waning as she took in Bella's depressed expression.

"Oh Bella, don't be such a Debbie-downer! I know you'll just love it! The moment I read about this class I signed us up." Bella sighed.

"Fine Alice. But I don't know how good I'll be at this. Do you honestly think I'll survive for one moment on this…?" Her voice was drowned out as overhead a peppy beat began blasting through a dozen speakers. With a smile the instructor stepped up and adjusted her headset.

"Are you ladies ready for an invigorating workout?!" she said, pumping her fists. "Now just watch me and follow along. If you have trouble just keeping up just go with your own pace. Let's get started!"

She began stepping up and down onto the step. With a glance around, Bella followed suit. It actually wasn't that bad. They continued, up and down, varying their steps, and Bella began to think it might not be that bad after all.

"Okay," called the instructor over the blaring sound, "Now that we're done warming up, let's get working!" She began doubling the speed of her steps, her legs flying up and down with ease. Bella, gasping for breath, attempted to keep up. The instructor always seemed one step ahead of her, smiling as if the whole thing was easy. Struggling, she glanced over at Alice to find her working right alongside the instructor, her steps perfectly in sync. Stupid vampires who had everything easy….

The music shifted and the instructor signaled for them to pick up their bars. Holding them up in the air they began a series of lunges, one after the other. It was exhausting! Bella wasn't super active, but she wasn't out of shape either. Who stood a chance in this class? They were lunging faster now, and Bella wondered bitterly if Alice knew CPR.

Just as she began to seriously wonder if she might fain she glanced up to find an interesting thing. The instructor and Alice seemed to be in some sort of stare-off. They each kept picking up the pace, faster and faster, and had surpassed the beat of the music long ago. Bella looked around to find the other women struggling more than her to keep up. Most of them were staring balefully at the smiling Alice, the only one in the room happy with the pace.

They trudged on, ending the lunge series and beginning the steps again. Up and down, up and down, faster and faster. It was endless! Alice was continually driving the instructor's pace faster (apparently, being leader of the class meant you couldn't be outdone), and it was getting…so….tiring.

Bella decided it was time for drastic action.

"Own! I think I hurt my ankle!" Alice stopped, surprised, staring at Bella's unmoving figure on the floor. Overhead the music stopped.

Bella smiled embarrassingly. "I think I fell off." Alice rolled her eyes, then her face turned tense.

"Well, this was a great class, but I had better get Bella home and see if her ankle is okay." She grabbed Bella and dragged her to the door, mumbling something sounding like stupid, overprotective, boyfriend under her breath.

Edward was there the moment the left the studio. "Hand her over Alice," he growled angrily.

She sulked. "But I thought it would be such fun, a little girl time, and the aerobics class just seemed so exciting!"

"Alice," he sighed, "humans can't keep up with your vampire speed. Bella probably did you a favor—from what everyone else seemed to be thinking about you, I think an all-out attack on you was imminent." Alice stuck out her tongue, and Edward lead Bella away.

"You know I faked it," she whispered when she was absolutely sure Alice wouldn't hear. He smiled.

"Of course. But did you want out of just one class, or all of them." Bella smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Can we leave?" Edward smiled.

"Yes, but we'd better get the others. Things have been pretty interesting out here. Jasper," he began, pointing to where he now sat next to a woman on a treadmill, "has been having fun making people either really excited about their exercise regime, or really bored. Rosalie has been trying to see how many men she could distract at once. And Emmett," he shook his head before continuing, "has been challenging anyone to outlift him. One guy was a professional bodybuilder, and you should have seen his face when Emmett beat him." Bella laughed. She could imagine it already.

They managed to get everyone together just in time for Esme to come out from her yoga class. She surveyed her family.

"You guys didn't cause any trouble, right?"

They all shook their heads. "Of course not."

**So, yeah, this story isn't dead, this has just been the busiest time of year. Things should pick up now. Got ideas? Tell me!**

**Like it? Hate it? Review!**


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